Steering off a path

I'm sitting at my office's cubicle right now, staring into space and thinking about I don't even know what. And here I am, writing away. I'm thinking about my life and where I want it to lead me. But I don't even know where I want to end up.

My whole life I've been given a guide. Ever since I took my first step into high school, I never had to think much about what to do. The IB curriculum chose all my courses for me - no room for electives, no room for spares. I remember people talking about not having enough credits for graduation; but I never had to deal with that because I knew my curriculum covered all of that for me. That was my life for all of high school.

Fast forward four years and my father is telling me to go into accounting because that's what he thought was best for me and my career. And don't get me wrong, my parents never forced me to go into this field. They were very open about my career choices. I mean, my sister is the most talented lucky duckling in the family and has decided to go into visual arts and they never doubted that one bit. So I've always had the choice of following what people would classify "my passion". But since my dad already had this planned this "ideal map" of my career, I said "sure, why not". And take in that I've never even taken an accounting class in my life at this point. I barely knew what debit and credit meant.

I was never one to really think that a career was a big deal. I know a lot of my friends view "success" as climbing up the corporate ladder, landing awesome jobs, and making it big in the city. I never cared for that. To me, a job is for me to earn the money I need for my "actual" life that excludes work. And I didn't want my hobbies to become a "job". So accounting was what I went into. And even when I went into university, my future continued to be planned out. I guess that's what a co-operative education program is for, right?

So now, I've ended up here working for the winter term. I sort of feel like Mersault from The Stranger by Albert Camus - indifferent about my work. "It's whatever" I say to myself all the time. I don't find excitement but I don't find hatred towards my job either.

And so I'm thinking, should I just keep doing this until I'm 28 and ready to do open my business or should I find "meaning in my life" and go on a Eat, Pray, Love adventure and steer away from all this planned out boredom in my life?

Lost and Found

You know when you're looking for something and end up finding something else along the way? Whatever it is, it stops you for a good three seconds - seconds long enough for quick bittersweet (or maybe just bitter) memories to flash you by. And all of a sudden, you forget what you were originally searching for. That thing - that goddamn thing - stares you in the eye and asks: "Why did you stop searching for me?" For a moment, you think of throwing it away. I mean, it can't mean much if it's already been long forgotten.

But you don't. You leave it there for the next time to be found again.