Wherever you go becomes a part of you somehow

I haven't been to many places in the twenty years that I've been alive. Other than North America, the Caribbean, and my hometown, Hong Kong, I've been stuck in this tiny bubble of Toronto, Ontario. But this summer, I finally experienced what it means to "travel".

I wouldn't say I went anywhere too exotic or spectacular. I went to the land of ramen, bright lights, and strange street style - Japan. It was one of my favourite trips yet. Not because they have mouth-watering food and pretty clothing (it's a plus though), but because seeing a different lifestyle than my own stirred something inside me.

One of my favourite books by Haruki Murakami is Norwegian Wood. He's a famous Japanese author and the reason why I love his writing so much is because his ability to describe a place, a character, or an object is so extraordinary it's as if you were there experiencing his thoughts with him. Reading his books that were set in Japan always made me feel some sort of way that I couldn't really put into words. Yet magically, when I landed in Japan, I knew exactly why his books made me feel that way.

Japan is a really bizarre place. The single word I could come up with (and I chose this word really carefully) to describe its civilization is "raw". If you were on a 20 story building and looked out the window, you would see small houses, mostly white and grey in colour, with flat roofs, old beaten down staircases, collectively giving off a vibe of innocence and nostalgia. And while the structure of each house looked almost identical, subtle differences such as the graffiti on the walls or the weeds that were trying to grow on the ledge gave each building a different backstory. Everything was just so uniform, old, plain and just full of history, it made me feel nostalgic even though I've never been there before. It's interesting because even though Japan is the centre of technological advancement with places filled with bright lights, crowds of people, and modern architecture, when you take a step into the residential areas, you will always end up feeling that "raw" vibe. If you stand by a large crossroad and look carefully, you would notice that every businessman is wearing the same uniform dress code - white dress shirt, medium length black tie, baggier than normal dress pants, and black dress shoes. While this is your typical business formal attire, you will never come across a blue or grey suit, a patterned tie or funky looking socks.

Onto culture and lifestyle. I don't know how to put this coherently so I will attempt to describe the things I saw everyday as I stepped outside each day of my trip. People in Japan work really late - it was 2 AM and the subway was just starting to fill up with businessmen and their suitcases. Because people in Japan work a ridiculous amount, Japan has set up these small "fast food ramen" restaurants where you order a ramen bowl on a machine outside the restaurant, pick it up inside, and stand at a table and and eat (for those who need a snack on their way home at 10 PM). Sales people are culturally trained to bow and say "welcome to this place" more than 30 times a minute. There are many interesting restaurants aka "cuddle restaurants" "maid restaurants" "restaurants for single people" etc. where you go and pay for someone to basically entertain you (not even for sexual purposes). Makes sense since Japan has a decreasing population where people are not getting married or having kids and are simply living alone. Bidet toilets are the only toilets they know. It is offensive to leave a tip for any type of service. If Americans think Canadians are polite, they have not been to Japan - a lady walked into the elevator, bowed at me and said "sorry" ... wait what? Sorry that you had to stop the elevator to get in? The financial district at night is mainly men drinking with their colleagues - no women are to be found whatsoever. People don't sleep - there was no difference in the number of people on the streets at 12 PM and 2 AM. People really care about their appearance - all women had make up on and you would never just see someone in flip flops and worn out shorts.

There's a lot more but I can't possibly put it all into words. But in general, this trip was eye-opening and made me realize how insignificant I am in this world - a depressing yet enlightening thought. It made me want to learn more about different cultures and what they value and compare it to my own. Thanks for a great trip Japan!

xx

Steering off a path

I'm sitting at my office's cubicle right now, staring into space and thinking about I don't even know what. And here I am, writing away. I'm thinking about my life and where I want it to lead me. But I don't even know where I want to end up.

My whole life I've been given a guide. Ever since I took my first step into high school, I never had to think much about what to do. The IB curriculum chose all my courses for me - no room for electives, no room for spares. I remember people talking about not having enough credits for graduation; but I never had to deal with that because I knew my curriculum covered all of that for me. That was my life for all of high school.

Fast forward four years and my father is telling me to go into accounting because that's what he thought was best for me and my career. And don't get me wrong, my parents never forced me to go into this field. They were very open about my career choices. I mean, my sister is the most talented lucky duckling in the family and has decided to go into visual arts and they never doubted that one bit. So I've always had the choice of following what people would classify "my passion". But since my dad already had this planned this "ideal map" of my career, I said "sure, why not". And take in that I've never even taken an accounting class in my life at this point. I barely knew what debit and credit meant.

I was never one to really think that a career was a big deal. I know a lot of my friends view "success" as climbing up the corporate ladder, landing awesome jobs, and making it big in the city. I never cared for that. To me, a job is for me to earn the money I need for my "actual" life that excludes work. And I didn't want my hobbies to become a "job". So accounting was what I went into. And even when I went into university, my future continued to be planned out. I guess that's what a co-operative education program is for, right?

So now, I've ended up here working for the winter term. I sort of feel like Mersault from The Stranger by Albert Camus - indifferent about my work. "It's whatever" I say to myself all the time. I don't find excitement but I don't find hatred towards my job either.

And so I'm thinking, should I just keep doing this until I'm 28 and ready to do open my business or should I find "meaning in my life" and go on a Eat, Pray, Love adventure and steer away from all this planned out boredom in my life?

Lost and Found

You know when you're looking for something and end up finding something else along the way? Whatever it is, it stops you for a good three seconds - seconds long enough for quick bittersweet (or maybe just bitter) memories to flash you by. And all of a sudden, you forget what you were originally searching for. That thing - that goddamn thing - stares you in the eye and asks: "Why did you stop searching for me?" For a moment, you think of throwing it away. I mean, it can't mean much if it's already been long forgotten.

But you don't. You leave it there for the next time to be found again.

Putting my life back together

"Change is good," people say. 

But that doesn't stop me from hating it. I've never liked change and I don't think I ever will. I remember being 13 years old and sobbing my eyes out when my parents decided that I should switch schools. I just don't think I was born to adapt to change very well because there's nothing I hate more than having to steer off from a old routine. 

But I've been in a rut lately. As you can tell from my previous post, work takes up 80% of my life, and as a result, I have no time for personal endeavours. But since this week was less busy, I had more free time. I thought that since I was getting off work earlier, I'd enjoy it; but I realized I was completely empty. I had no idea what to do with my time. Even fashion, the thing that excites me the most, has left me in a blank mind. I refuse to believe that my life is 100% about work. 

I was tired and exhausted and decided I needed a change.

I decided to think about the most general goal I wanted. I came up with "a cleanse". 

Last year I read a book by Gretchen Rubin called "The Happiness Project". The first thing Gretchen talked about was getting rid of clutter. Clutter not only literally hinders your space but it also affects your mental health. 

There are two things I've decided on: a new body, a new wardrobe.

Now, I know what you're thinking. New body. New wardrobe. Both things are physical. Both things seem quite shallow. Both things seem slightly materialistic. But I disagree.

I've started exercising again and I've seen a difference in my energy levels. I'm more awake at work and I've started to feeling happier. So if I couple that with a clean diet, I think this will definitely go somewhere. And I mean, my firm does have fitness benefits. I might as well put that to good use and buy myself a pair of running shoes.

The next thing is a new wardrobe. My best friend introduced me to this blog right here: www.un-fancy.com. Caroline is a lovely lady who is exercising the 37 piece capsule wardrobe idea. She combines style and minimalism and turns her wardrobe in a money-saving and effortless system. I keep complaining that I have nothing to wear when I have a closet full of sub-par clothing. I'm going to do a closet cleanse and fill it with versatile staples each season. Once I'm done shopping for the coming season, I'm not allowed to buy anymore clothes. I think it's a great idea and I can't wait to start it.

Good luck to all you out there who is trying to get your life back on track! xx

A Cycle

They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit. It’s been 7 days. That means I have 14 days more to go.

I’m sitting in the inner seat of the Go Train that’s heading down to Union Station. I find myself quickly drawn to the dusty window right beside me. It’s not bright enough outside to see the scenery clearly but it’s dark enough to see part of my reflection staring back at me. I like this view. I think it’s safe to say that the best part of my day is when I take the 7:45 morning train. It’s when half the world is still asleep; meaning there’s no need to check my social media and feel bad about my boring, mundane life. It’s just me, myself, and the quiet world outside the window.

Exactly 33 minutes have passed and now I’m quickly getting off the train platform and running down flights of stairs. Union station is filled with businessmen (and women) frantically walking to their offices where they will start a fresh new day. I look at my phone. A good 30 minutes before I need to start the work day. Unlike everyone else who is rushing pass me, I take my time to notice the advertisements plastered on the walls in the path as I walk to 18 York street.

What sucks about working on the 25th floor is that you always have to endure the wait of the elevator. People get off on every floor before yours in the morning and people get on the elevator on every floor when you leave. I walk into the office and I already see a few hardworking people at their desks. I grab myself a green tea, settle down, and wait for my senior to appear.

My senior is a very genuine person. Always smiling, always patient with me, always makes the day a bit more exciting. I’m very glad that I get to work with her. After she assigns my task, the day starts. I’m mostly sitting at the desk, staring at spreadsheets, typing in numbers, and occasionally, messaging my fellow friends. Don’t get me wrong, the days aren’t boring. Time passes by pretty quickly. Before I know it, it’s lunch time and I’m on the 3rd floor’s Oasis with a few friends. The period after lunch and before 5 PM isn’t the best. It’s when I start getting sleepy and when my body starts to ache from sitting all day. It’s when I take more washroom and water breaks than usual. And when 5 PM hits, I start calculating how much longer I’ll stay until I get to go home. An exciting part of the day is "Question of the Day". Everyday, an individual raises a random question (i.e. how many wal-marts are there in the world?). Whoever gets the most questions right by the end of the engagement wins a small little prize. So far, I've been stupid and have gotten none right.

My senior often lets me go catch my last train (6:45). Thank god the go train platforms are 30 seconds away from the building’s first floor. I run towards the train and let out a sigh of relief that I made it. The train ride back is relaxing. It’s been a long day. It’s now 7:18 and I see my mother’s car. She asks me how my day was and I answer “It was alright”.

I arrive home and find a hearty meal waiting for me at the kitchen table. My father comes home from work and joins us. By this time, I’m exhausted and I end up sitting on the couch for the rest of the evening. I take out the book I’m reading (currently and has been currently for too long: Quiet, The Power of Introverts) and wait til 11:30 to go to bed. 

Lights out and repeat.

NYE

I'm a week late on this but here's a recap of New Years Eve!

I honestly think I'm getting old because this New Years Eve, I really just wanted to spend the night peacefully. No huge parties. No huge get-togethers. Nothing crazy. Guess that's what happens when you're about to turn 20. As a result of my desire for a peaceful NYE celebration, we decided to book a reservation at Luma, an Oliver & Bonacini Restaurant located at the TIFF Bell Lightbox.

The relaxed and classy ambience of the restaurant was definitely up my alley. It was a nice atmosphere for a two person dinner. They decorated the place with a few balloons and a lovely christmas tree which was definitely a plus.

The drink I ordered (on the right) was called Ginger's Island. It's basically Iced Tea, ginger, lemon, and mint. It was the bomb and I wish I could recreate it myself. 

I forgot to take a picture of my appetizer but it's not like I want to ever see that dish again. Those who know me know that I am a picky eater (such an understatement). I hate 90% of vegetables. You can just say I hate any coloured food. I didn't quite know what Marinated Buffalo Mozzarella was but it sounded pretty good so I ordered it. To my dismay, it was full of veggies I hated: squash, carrots, onions, ginger covered in some wine-tasting sauce. I had to drink 3 cups of water to down that dish but I did it and I finished the entire appetizer. I think I deserve a pat on the back.

For my main meal, I got the Steak Frites. It wasn't super good but it was alright.  

This was the desert: some sort of chocolate bar with ice cream and nuts and bananas. I'm not much of a sweet tooth but it ended the dinner off well.

After dinner, we walked around a bit. I wasn't really feeling a movie so we went to Eaton to sit and chill. I feel that a lot of people think that to have fun, you have to be doing a fun and exciting activity or that you have to be with a large group of people. But to me, sitting down and having a real conversation with another person tops everything because you get to learn things you've never learned about. And that's exactly what we did. 

When it was 11:30 PM, we made our way towards Nathan Phillips Square (full of people + weed) and waited for the countdown and for the beautiful fireworks above. It was a lovely night.

xx